grace obsessed

Every so often, when I’m especially lucky, I get my chance to drive to a super special bargain basement-style establishment known as “Ollie’s,” where you find “Good stuff cheap,” or so the fictional Ollie preaches. I have found him always to be telling the truth, because some of my most favorite books, that should otherwise be selling for far more money at fancy stores, are going for, well, cheap. It was on one such occasion when I made it to Ollie’s and was perusing the Christian book aisle that I came across The Grace Message: Is the Gospel Really This Good? by Andrew Farley. I snagged that book immediately because I had to know the answer. I mean I knew the answer, of course, already, but for some reason, inside of this brain of mine that likes to play tricks on me, that likes to make me feel one thing may be true for all people except me, I needed to know Farley’s answer. Was the gospel message really that good?

Well, before answering that question, a little backstory. I know God’s word is true. When nothing else is true, God’s word remains. And God has promised us unmerited salvation in Him. Let me say that again. God has promised us what we could never earn or attain on our own. And then on top of that, he promises us that when we go to Him, sincerely desiring forgiveness, He not only grants us that, but tells us also that (by way of Hebrews 8:12) He will no longer remember our sins. “For I will forgive their iniquities and remember their sins no more,” says the Lord our God. Now, you may be wondering, why might I somehow find this last bit about no longer remembering our sins so pivotal. God forgives us. What more could we ask for? What more could we need to know?

To know that Jesus not only forgives, but FORGETS my sins is almost more than I can handle. It’s not more than I can understand, because I believe that my God is this good. And I believe that it is not a matter of a faulty memory, but that the King of Kings cares enough about us to intentionally not hold these sins against us in judgement. It’s almost more than I can handle, because I have OCD with intrusive thoughts. And when it comes to Jesus, I can believe a lot of things for a lot of people, but it isn’t always easy (or even possible) to believe them for myself.

A few years ago, I started working with a phenomenal, young therapist named Gretchen. Super star, I’m telling you. I’m lucky to even know her, let alone have her to counsel and advise me. After coming to know me a bit, she quickly ascertained the following: I am very hard on myself. VERY hard on myself. That’s almost an understatement. I can’t overstate it. I could tell someone who has committed the most heinous crime imaginable, sinned the worst sin (in case you think there is a hierarchy) and is truly repentant, that Jesus loved them through it, He loves them now, and He fully forgives and forgets their sin. But when it comes to myself… no matter how small or insignificant the offense, such that some may not even call it an offense, my mind tells me that it is too much. I’ve gone too far. I am separated from God as a result of my sin.

Well, thank God for Gretchen, because you see while sin does separate one from God, there is JESUS. And this beautiful therapist, inside and out, said something so simple, yet so profound to me. She spoke it to me, but I know she was speaking directly to those thoughts that permeate my mind, that never leave me. “Who are you to think that God, who can do all things, cannot save you from your sin?” WOW. I remember feeling stopped in my figurative tracks. Daily, I replay her words in my mind, because that’s exactly how often I need to hear them. My God is big enough, powerful enough, loving enough. My God saves. And I needed to hear what Gretchen said, because God has saved me, He saves me, and He will continue.

OCD has a sort of backwards way of making me feel so singular. So isolated. I have no reason to believe God will not do for me what He would and does do for any other person on this planet. But my OCD, that record player I mentioned in an earlier post, is mean. And it (often successfully) tries to convince me I do not deserve God’s grace. And because that message is repeated over and over and over again, ad nauseam, it becomes almost insulated, it becomes almost untouchable, it becomes almost Biblical. Almost. Because you see I have Gretchen’s words, I have God’s word, for that matter, and I know, quite frankly, I am not special enough to be the only person on this planet that God would not truly forgive.

One of the parts of Farley’s book that is so powerful to someone like me is its emphasis on why Jesus came. Jesus came because He knew we could not uphold the laws, He knew we would falter, He knew we were and are HUMAN. And by virtue of that, we cannot, of our own power, keep the commandments. We cannot, sometimes, keep even our most basic promises. Jesus came, not to do completely away with the laws themselves, but legalism – a rigid adherence to a code of rules that leaves no room for error.

And for me, that piece alone may be the most powerful reason as to why the gospel message IS so good. God knows us. Intimately. He knew we would fail, but He loved us anyway. He knew we would fail, so He sent Jesus. He knew we would fail, but He wanted us to have access to hope. You see, I believe God is all about reunification, reconciliation, restoration, whatever you want to call it. He consistently proves that. I think he must sit back and laugh at (or cry and ache over and abhor, maybe, rather) what the world has come to embrace as “cancel culture.” Thank GOD, God does not cancel me, when He has every reason. He is always after my heart. He is always after your heart. We are the prodigals who go our own way, shackle our own hands and feet, live as prisoners in our own minds and hearts. So, Farley’s answer is yes, most definitely, the gospel is this good. My answer is yes, absolutely, the gospel is this good. The gospel is everything.

I don’t know if like me, as a result of your struggle with OCD, or any other impediment that may try to interfere with you and our grace-giving God, you feel as if you are not worthy. Well, that part is true, you’re not worthy. None of us could ever be. That said, you’re something better. Loved. Deeply, powerfully, unchangeably loved by God Himself. Like my friend and worship leader, Matt, says so often, “It’s not about what we can do, but what God has already done.” Amen. If you are reading this right now, I pray you are uplifted by the most beautiful message there is. The grace message is for you (and me too, thank God).